German Guy Ends Assault By Pulling Guy’s Pants Down. [Video]

Being bigger than the other guy helps too.

Mad About Crack Prices Going Up? Turn In Your Dealer.

Is your crack dealer gouging you? Turn him in and take your chances with another crack dealer.

Jon Stewart Nails The NFL For Its Bullshit On The Ray Rice Story. [Video]

Requirements for being commissioner of NFL: look good in suit, bro-shake players during draft and don’t fuck up too badly. (Goodell looks ok in a suit)

Body Bumping Your Kids Is A Crime In Florida.

If I get another dumbass Florida story, I’m going to kick my own nuts with both heels. Body bumping woman in Florida gets arrested… over chicken.

Burglar Falls Asleep On The Job Next To Stolen Jewelry. [Florida!]

Thanks Florida for floridianing up for us. Burglar falls asleep on the job? Only in Florida.

Man Wears Mugshot T-Shirt For Mugshot Photo Has Awesome Facebook Post When He Gets Out.

I am going to borrow this from a friend but ‘SWEET JESUS!’ Booking t-shirt guy might be my motivation to join an ‘End of the World’ cult. No hope.

Oh, Having Sex With Dogs Is Wrong… Ok. Who Wants Dinner? [Video]

How do you make sure you dog sex story goes mainstream? You attempt to poison the people that caught you having sex with the dogs.

Food Related Crime Is On The Rise.

Food related crime in Seattle is on the uptick. Wonder if it has anything to do with the legalization of marijuana…